My Man Is Divorced and Says He Will Never Get Married Again

This is an email I received from a l something year-former divorced guy who got divorced considering his married woman cheated on him. He was very surprised and hurt by the…..

This is an electronic mail I received from a 50 something yr-sometime divorced guy who got divorced because his married woman cheated on him. He was very surprised and injure by the cheating and said he never suspected information technology. I believe he has been divorced for a couple of years at the most, and is now dating another adult female and writes "I will never get married again. Ever."

I met a daughter, "age advisable," masters degree, university instructor, very nice, attractive, really easy to talk to.

She was married for 34 years, dated only one other guy very brief, then met me. She lives about 180 miles abroad. We have seen each other about 5 times (weekend things).  I rapidly realized she was falling for me. I told her that I really similar her, I enjoy our fourth dimension together very much, but, I likewise told her that I volition NEVER get married over again, nor will I EVER tell a woman that "I love her".

I figured she would get the hint. She has made it very articulate to me that she wants to be with somebody and grow one-time together.   Do women at this age actually call up they are going to "change" guys my historic period? Gosh darn it, I do not e'er desire to hurt anybody's feelings, but I feel like I am misleading this woman. I think she confuses the fact that since I practice not date other women, we are a "couple", and someday before long I volition snap out of it.

I am leaving in 5 days for United mexican states, followed past South America. I travel near 4 months a year. If I met the adult female of my dreams, I would either take her with me. Only finding a woman like this is, well,  "mission impossible."

Most divorced guys over 50 that are still full of life, self assured, financially self fabricated and secure and Accept Not engaged in a serious relationship in over a twelvemonth ( or more) after their divorce, are acclimated in their single lifestyle ways. Our eyes are not airtight and our hearts are non sealed, but we are hesitant to drastically deviate from our lifestyle patterns to suit a relationship.

So, do I break it off with this girl?

My gut reaction to his last question: YES!! Please interruption it off. Although, now that he is leaving for a few months and hasn't asked her to join him, what is the deviation, anyhow? Information technology's kind of the same thing as breaking information technology off.

Being a divorced woman over fifty, I experience for this adult female. These two people want completely dissimilar things from this relationship. She wants marriage. He…well, I don't know what he wants because I don't really think he knows what he wants. I practice know one thing. He doesn't want her. That is nothing personal confronting her, she but isn't the one for him. Merely in all fairness to her, he needs to fix things direct and so she can cry, exist upset about it being over, and then move on and go involved with someone who wants to grow old with her.

But let's talk well-nigh "I will NEVER become married again" and "I will never tell a adult female that I love her." Wow. This is a homo who has been deeply, deeply hurt and feels so betrayed, that he is unsure he can ever trust a woman enough to say I love you and/or become married.

I'm non judging because I can empathize how he might feel. Any divorced person probably can. And I have to believe many divorced people have said these things—I'grand never getting married again, I'thou never maxim I dear you again, then after some time goes by and/or they see the correct person, they change their mind.

This guy is maxim that finding true love is "mission impossible" because he is very damaged and then for him, it is. He might benefit from therapy, a support group, or doing some type of piece of work to go closure, credence and to learn that non every woman cheats.

All this said, in my experience, I have found there are ii types of men: the ones who are set in their ways, who don't want to "drastically deviate from their lifestyle for a relationship" as this guy says, and the ones who really like monogamy and being a couple with someone—guys who want to be remarried. And by the way, there are countless women over 50 who are still "full of life!" Just have to react to his statement that makes it seem otherwise.

I also find that the more time that goes past later a divorce that someone stays single, the less probable he/she is to get remarried. In other words, from what I've seen, people either get remarried pretty rapidly or they remain single for a long, long time. There are exceptions, of grade.

The lesser line is, every divorced person has a different experience, and what happens in the future depends on endless things which include: how long they were married, if they had children, why they got divorced, how they are doing financially, whether or not they similar and/or tin can handle beingness single, who they meet, of course, and many many other factors.

I don't think people should say things like, "I'll never ever become married again" or "I'll never say I dear you" because life has this funny mode of changing what nosotros thought was going to happen or what we desire. If someone would have told me I wouldn't be married again after 10 years of beingness divorced, I would never accept believed them. I really wanted to be remarried. Just I couldn't be happier well-nigh the way life has turned out for me. Isn't that what really matters?

I guess what I'm saying is, just be happy and embrace all the unexpected things that come up your way. Y'all practice accept to practice a piddling work—meaning healing, accepting and moving on from your divorce. The residual is doing what makes yous actually actually happy every single day, spending fourth dimension with those y'all dear and letting everything else fall into place.

Like this article? Bank check out, "Newly Separated Man Expresses Raw Pain"

Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Smile is a weblog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It'due south kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your honey life bug.

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