what to say to alzheimer patients when they say they want to go home

April 08, 2022 Post a Comment

How to Calm a Person Living with Dementia Who is Wanting to Go Home

Valerie Feurich
February 17, 2021

Strategies for Identifying Causes and Offering Comfort

If you're caring for a person living with Alzheimers or another course of dementia, chances are you've heard the argument "I want to go home" before. Phrases like "I need to get out of here" or "I'm looking for my mom" are very common in dementia care, as they're a symptom of a changing encephalon.

When dementia sets in, the brain undergoes chemic as well as physical changes. One of the first areas of the brain that gets damaged is the hippocampal region, the area of the brain that helps us keep a timeline of our life's events and helps us orient ourselves in our environment. While the club and location of damage inside the hippocampus varies by the type and class of brain alter, it is one of the commencement parts of the brain to exist affected in all types of dementia.

When enough of the hippocampal surface area has been damaged, destroyed, or chemically altered, the person will accept a really difficult fourth dimension trying to hold on to the timeline of their life. Things we take for granted, such as knowing where you are, how you got there, or remembering the layout of your abode, are no longer working properly.

To complicate things even further, the prefrontal cortex, the expanse of the brain that helps us to be reasonable and logical, gets damaged by dementia. In add-on, a person's linguistic communication skills and ability to communicate decrease also, leaving the person less able to limited themselves.

While it can exist frustrating for you lot every bit a caregiver (or intendance partner as we phone call them here at Positive Approach to Care®) to hear the person inquire to become abode while continuing in the house they've lived in for many years, think that blurting out "You are domicile!" isn't going to help either i of you.

Instead, you may want to take a deep breath and try the tips below:

ane. See If They Might Have an Unmet Need

All man beings take needs to meet, both physical and emotional in nature. Tin you think of some of them? Take a look at the list below:

Emotional Expressions of Need:

Acrimony

Sadness

Loneliness

Fear

Boredom

Physical Unmet Needs:

Hunger or thirst

Energy level

Elimination (using the restroom)

Discomfort

Pain

With a healthy brain, we can either meet those needs ourselves or ask for assistance. Merely if a person's encephalon has been affected by dementia, as explained in a higher place, they may not exist aware of what is causing the discomfort, permit lone be able to draw it.

And then, if your person living with dementia says "I want to go abode," what they might actually mean is that they're hungry, thirsty, or tired.

Now you may be wondering: Why does a person living with dementia that has an unmet need inquire to become home or to encounter their mom? If you think through your own life and what your abode and mom might mean to you, most likely it's a place of comfort. A place where yous can take a drink if you're thirsty, go some nutrient if you lot're hungry, or take your mother aid with hurting that you might accept. And then when your person living with dementia is asking to become habitation, what they may really exist expressing, is they're looking for a place of comfort where their needs are met.

So, next time your person is asking to go home, take a await at the list of unmet needs above and remember about what the twenty-four hour period was similar for them:

– Did they go to the bathroom? How long has it been?
– Did they get something to eat?
– Could they be in hurting?
– Could their shirt take gotten wet and be causing them discomfort?
– Are they feeling bored or solitary?

Become through the list higher up and see if there's an unmet demand that you can aid them satisfy.

2. Is the surroundings affecting the behavior?

While an unmet emotional or physical need may be the trigger for wanting to go habitation, in that location may be other causes too. If the environment the person finds themselves in does non experience friendly, familiar, functional, or forgiving, a person living with dementia might be quite uncomfortable.

What is the sensory or social situation? Are there smells or surfaces that might accept them back to another time, such equally the comfortable sofa from their youth?

As you wait around to see what might exist causing distress, think about Teepa's tips – separated into Fs and Ss to help y'all remember. Teepa's 4 Fs:

Inquire yourself, is the infinite friendly, familiar, functional, and forgiving?

Is it filled with people or objects that your person enjoys?
Are there people or objects that necktie your person to their whole life, even before dementia was nowadays?
Does this space work for them and their current abilities?
What happens if the person makes a mistake?

Teepa'due south four Ss:

Ask yourself, what sensations and surfaces can the person experience? What infinite do they have? What social opportunities are there?

Could they be wearing habiliment that is itchy or uncomfortable?
Is there a surface that they are touching that isn't pleasant?
If they are an extrovert, practice they have an opportunity to exist social with others? If they are an introvert, are at that place too many people around?
Look at the space and see if it is cluttered or they feel someone is in their space? Who they accept been historically tin can help you find these clues.

3. Be A Detective, Not a Judge

While it is understandable that one's spontaneous reaction to "I want to go habitation" may be a response like "I don't know what y'all want – you are home!," consider that if a person tin no longer recognize their own environs, insisting they are home will non solve the situation.

Once more, take a deep breath, and see if you can aqueduct your frustration into curiosity instead. Put on your detective'south hat and run across if yous can get to the root of their request. So next fourth dimension your person says "I want to become domicile," y'all may want to respond with "Oh, you have to get habitation. Now, exercise you need something there, or do you just want to exist there?"

Notice Teepa Snow's advice techniques in this response? Starting with a reflection, the showtime sentence mirrors dorsum what the person has said. Non but does this help a person living with dementia go on a conversation going, information technology also signals that you heard them and you care.

Adjacent follows a this-or-that style inquiry. By asking this blazon of question instead of an open-ended i, yous're offering options without being overwhelming, helping the person living with dementia keep a more than fluent chat.

Through marvel, you lot might become a clue to an unmet need that yous tin can fill up, or another potential crusade for their wish to return home. Plus, by empathizing with the person and showing interest in their worries, you lot meet them where they are and help protect the relationship that you lot two share.

Or every bit Teepa recently said: "You want to look for clues. We have to see clues within what they tin give us considering they can't give us more than they can give u.s.."

four. Consider Heading Outside

Atmospheric condition permitting, yous may want to consider responding with "Okay, let'southward head on out" next fourth dimension they want to leave. By saying that, you're giving the brain something new to await at, something new to mind to, and something new to feel.

And because they don't want to be where they are, saying "let'south head on out" is a way to go "Oh, well, permit'south see what's on the other side of that door." Going out for a motorcar ride, a fiddling walk, or being willing to travel a little distance with someone can make a big deviation. Have a phone with you lot in case you need it. It's better to go with someone than trying to forestall someone who is wanting to go out.Unfortunately, there are no blackness and white answers in dementia care, but these tips may be a starting point to assist calm your person living with dementia that is looking to go domicile. Always recollect to have a deep breath and a little break if you lot possibly tin. Yous both need your safe and comfy infinite to aid protect your relationship on this journey of dementia.

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27 thoughts on "How to Calm a Person Living with Dementia Who is Wanting to <i>Go Abode</i>"

Anne

Brilliant, thank you!
Barbara Needham

So helpful. Cheers!
This was a wonderfully succinct process–much appreciated!
Such a compassionate way of responding when they go agitated. Much more than productive, besides.
Michele

Thank and so much! Common question my mom states "this isn't my home"or she will whisper information technology to the states on FaceTime. We have and then much to learn.
Judith "Jodi" Butler

Cheers Teepa, we volition certainly be better detectives. Mom lives with u.s.. She Skypes for ane hour every nighttime with my sister. They relish sharing the sometime family pictures. Oten after that she wants to go home. I think she is really saying that Skype has exhausted her.
My married man is shortly in a memory unit because I could no longer go on to be his but care giver. He was only in the unit for a few hours before he began to threaten violence if they didn't let him go back domicile. Eventually he was transported to a behavioral unit for 9 days. He's now back in the memory unit and through proper medication is a lot calmer. We are all telling him that he needs to exist there then that they tin help him ameliorate his retentivity bug. So far this seems to be working fairly well. Do you take any other helpful suggestions for me. His dx is Alzheimer'south dementia. Thanks.
1. Alejandro DeJesus
  
  Hi Bonnie,
  Thanks for recaching out, sounds like things are in a better place than where they started. Nosotros would love to help with some tips. I was wondering what you are looking for more information near? Would it be tips for visits with him or something else?
Donna

Thank you this is very helpful.
Shad

I have read this and I have done about exactly what y'all have suggested, sometimes it helps and other times non so much. My wife'south female parent loves Elvis so everyday I drive to her business firm and I play music and sing along with her and I give her foot baths and do her hair that will work for a short time and and so the " I want to go domicile, I desire my hubby dorsum" comments resurface even when her husband is sitting right past her she e'er wants him back. Thank yous Teepa for all you practise I will continue this journeying with my female parent-inlaw and i will keep doing my investigations on how to better care for her.
Marking C

Very helpful! Thank you!
Cathy

Thank yous! This actually happened today!
Beverly Clark

Thank you. You accept made my life so much meliorate using the positive arroyo. So far so good.
Julie

This is a smashing article! I am going to print it out so the caregivers tin can read it. We are e'er struggling with this. Thank you so much!
Nita Chambless

This situation is very trying for the care mate!!!!! My husband has since passed away simply those daily requests some days pushed me to my limit! Sometimes I could redirect with food or sitting outside on the deck for a visit. When he went into a memory community, there were days I'd arrive and he had put his property in a laundry basket, box or plastic trash purse and was ready to leave! Fortunately I had listened to you on YouTube and would try your tactics. Thanks for your support.
Marilyn Mulrooney

Thanks, this helps me a lot. My husband is staying part fourth dimension with my daughters and e'er wants to go dorsum to the firm in the country which is pretty isolated. We are trying to get him into a seniors dwelling house merely he seams to recollect I should be there, not him. I will now endeavour harder to understand and deal with this differently.
scott johnson

what is the best approach when a dementia patient awakes every twenty-four hours
to the statement "I can't take it anymore" accompanied by wringing of
the hands and tremors in the easily.
Teresa

That was very helpful
Loraine M Lopardo

I volition try these tactics- seems that that request is received at least twice a week
Laurie

after covid hit mon vicious,broke her hip/surgery (no memory of this) and moved to medical care. to her this is unfamiliar, unfriendly (they truly love and treat her) and she wants to become dwelling house. take been bringing onetime familiar things back merely there is only so much room. suggestions? (tardily phase cherry)due to range of motility /hurting she is limited in access to activities/socialization
MYRTLE NEWSOME

Thear are good tips and i will endeavour some i know i hear a lot when someone says i want to go dwelling house i heat other people say you are home which really dont seem to aid thanks for some nifty tips
My husband is 79 and has LBD and in rehab for 10 days now. He keeps proverb he wants to go dwelling house. I think his emotional and physical needs are not met or non addressed by the staff facility.
beingness his intendance giver I'd like to accept him home but only when he's ready.
I'm sure I'm gonna need some assistance with home intendance or palliative care.
I really don't want him to exist in memory care facility if need not exist of his best interest.

Any advice or suggestions
Our dear mom of 89 years former has recently passed abroad. I however beleive that when she asked to go home it was what she really wanted. Also, when she asked to see her mom it's because she thought herself as a trivial daughter wanting her mommy! I practise agree nonetheless that when we simply say "You want to get home" than let's make plans to do so! This gives them a positive connection & for that moment give joy! We would often read her a carte that her mother sent her which had comforting & cute words to soothe her heart! Do you call up that was a good way to respond to her saying"when am I going habitation?" Louise (daughter)
Hello, my husband who has dementia, thinks he is in a psychiatric hospital when he is actually dwelling with me. He will ask me, how do I get out of this place? I am having trouble responding especially when it is in the evening and nearly bedtime. My adult children retrieve he but hates this house and I should move merely I experience wherever I go, my husband will continue to desire to get out the hospital. Thanks
Fred Provencher

Thanks, thank y'all, thanks.
Darla

My mother has shown signs of dementia for years, however this past year she has significantly declined. She'southward 83, otherwise seems to be in pretty skilful health, more than than me! She refused to seek out medical care, until a month ago, she started having hallucinations, she was enlightened of them not being existent. She told us something was wrong with her brain. We sent for ambulance, hospital ran tests, pet scan, mri, etc. her brain showed several areas of her encephalon was affected. They only diagnosed as appearing to have dementia. While her symptoms even so include hallucinations, anxiety, inability to sleep except for very small periods of time 24/7, At times audio hallucinations, becomes very agitated, confused. She can no longer be taken care of in the habitation because she need someone to lookout man her 24/seven, Still more importantly because she is noncompliant, refuses medical assistance or help. She is someone that is a fighter and will not allow people in to take care of her. Because of the hallucinations and she's also had tremors in her easily for years, And appears to exist in and out of the confused state, I believe there'southward a proficient possibility it'southward LBD. the trouble lies in the fact that she appears normal so much of the time, other than a flake of confusion here and there and the hallucinations from time to time. Correct now she's in a memory care facility and begs to go home says she feels she will go improve there. She'south too lost a lot of weight, frail, a autumn take chances. Are we wrong non letting her get home?
Lynda

Thank you so much for this.Very helpful.